Death
Aku mimpi aku mati.
Terasa mcm betul betul terjadi sbb, entahlah.
Aku di situasi yg satu ini dimana aku tak sangka pada waktu mcmtu aku boleh mati.
Adik adik aku muat naik "status" mengatakan "3 days missing and found dead. Miss my sister so much."
I was there watching them, but they didn't see me.
I call out their names but no answer.
Feels like I'm lost.
Nobody, I mean- no one yang merasa kehilangan bila dapat tau aku dah mati.
Where suddenly I has this feeling that, there's so many things I haven't done yet.
Too much regrets.
I was scared (still am).
Sometimes I'm confused. No one can help but Allah. Tetapi tiada asbab (org) utk aku teruskan niat ini. Tiada bantuan. Aku ibarat terkapai kapai. Tangan yang aku lambaikan tidak dicapai.
Aku terkadang tidak mempunyai perasaan takut utk mati kerana, memang fitrah setiap yg bernyawa pasti akan pergi.
Tetapi yg aku takutkan adalah apabila aku pergi dalam keadaan yg tiada keredhaan daripada Allah.
Pergi dalam keadaan diri bergelumang dengan dosa.
Pergi apabila masih ada insan yg belum memaafkan diri ini.
Pergi kerana tahu akan ibadat yg dibuat masih belum mencukupi..
Aku takut..
Aku takut apabila melihat saudara seagamaku hanyut dengan dunia..
Aku takut melihat ibu bapa yg tidak menghiraukan anak anaknya, mengetahui ilmu agama yg ada pada anaknya tidak sempurna..
Aku takut melihat anak anak yang dengan lantang berani menengking ibu bapanya tanpa meminta maaf..
Aku takut melihat mereka yang tidak pedulikan rakannya, dan lebih suka mengejar syurga bersendirian..
Aku takut melihat orang yang suka menuduh tanpa usul periksa..
Aku takut melihat orang yang suka menghakimi tanpa mengetahui kisah seserang itu..
Aku takut melihat seseorang yang berani memaki saudaranya di khayalak ramai.
Tiada sifat pemaaf.
Tiada sifat penyabar.
Allah..
Aku adalah salah satu manusia yg aku baru nyatakan.. Betapa berdosanya diri ni..
Aku terkadang keliru.. Tetapi aku sedang belajar supaya dapat menerima segala ujian daripadaMu..
Dunia aku pun masih tunggang langgang, apatah lagi akhirat..
Fikiran aku terkadang tak menentu.
Paranoid.
Paranoid tentang betapa orang sekeliling membenci diri aku.
Mungkin mereka juga seperti aku, yg terkadang selesa menyapa macam sudah kenal lama.
Dan mungkin juga seperti aku, yg terkadang sangat sangat malu untuk menegur.
Mungkin ada yg kategorikan aku sombong.
Sungguh, berapa kerat saja rakan yang aku boleh luahkan perasaan. Penerimaan setiap individu berbeza. Macam macam nasihat aku terima.
Aku seorang yang terkadang okay dan normal. Dan ada masanya aku terlalu "lost".
Dan aku juga, apabila setiap kali terpandang seseorang dan terasa ingin berkata sesuatu segera aku tepiskan fikiran itu.. Kerana sesungguhnya aku tak tau apa pengakhiran dia. Dan aku juga tak tau apa pengakhiran aku..
Matikanlah aku dalam husnul khotimah ya Allah....
0comment(s) Monologue
Nature. I would love to be in a place where I could wake up to the sound of nature. Where all my problems would be forgotten. With the stars on my head. With the sound of crickets. Accompanied by the sound of the flowing river.
How I wish I could be like them. Everytime I log on to my facebook, I could see them upload pictures of them when they was in overseas. Australia, Nepal, New zealand, you name it. They have gone to many countries and did activities such as hiking, zipline, bungee jumping, swimming in beautiful beaches. But thanks to them because just by looking at their picture, I could actually imagine myself being there. Maybe one day. I never login since yesterday. Lol 😂
My head hurts. So does my heart. Hurts because I couldn't get myself out of this situation. I don't know why, but my situation right now just doesn't feels right. Maybe it's just me. I'm feeling locked up in my own body. And this home, doesn't feel like home. As if I am trapped by my own mind. How do I make myself happy, and free. Everything that I do, didn't goes right. I keep on making mistakes and stumble all my way getting here. Getting to be where I am right now. Lol I'm feeling sick with myself right now. I wanna puke so bad that all I can do is rant about how bad my life is. If only they know what I have to get through.
There's so many things I wanna do. I wanna learn martial arts, so that I can kick them player's balls off. I used to know one guy that is in mixed martial arts. Never knew and has the clue that he only hit me up because he wants to play me. I really hope that some day, someone's going to crush his heart badly. But that's not the only reason. I could kick anyone that try to messed up with my family. I could use this arts to help those people in needs. Thank goodness that my point of view towards martial art didn't change just because of that brat. And I also want to punch those heartbreaker that promised to take care of me, never want to took me for granted. Those who actually turned me into someone I'm not.
Anyway, I think that my anxiety while I'm in the office has slowly fades. It's just that it would come back if my officemate point out about the pimples I have on my face. Trust me, I've done so many things to fix my face. It's just that if my salary's high I would have done something better. I could only pulled off my confidence mask better that they couldn't see the real me under.
I pray that my sisters won't get played by those sucker and player. I don't want them to feel what I've been through. I never want to see them suffer because of low minded guys. I don't want to hear them cry and sobbing in the room. I really hope that there's someone gentle out there, that can treat them like a princess. Even though I'd love to tease until they get mad to me, believe me I actually just want to see them laughing and happy.
Oh btw, I miss Alex. My ol'friend from Canada. We used to chit chat thru yahoo messenger. She would always told me to go there. I wonder how she's been doing. I hope she's doing fine.
I think that it's good not to be connected with the world outside. Everything I've seen is chaos. People hurting each other. Everyone has their own ego and nothing can break their ego. No one would want to lose. Everyone wants to win over simple things. And what makes me losing my mind is when there is actually people who support and backing up those who dangers their own life and claim it as a hobby. Isn't it weird how people's mind -nowadays- work without thinking about other people safety and lives. No, of course, not all out of 7 billion people in this world. But trust me, there's so much more out there. It's frightening.
dinaa~
0comment(s)
OLD / NEW
|
About Me
Blog Name :ღ Give Me Peace On Earth ღ
-My name is Dina Adnan
-My friend call me DINA or DIEY
-I'm 17th years young on December 5 ^^
-A muslim
-Music Lover ღ
-Hate to be hated
-Love you-Mak, Abah, Angah, Adik ღ Haizun, Yana, Haiza, Pyka..
-Tyka, May, Anis, Eyla
-Such a baby, love to cry over there and here haha..
You know, sometimes in this life, You gonna face so many condition. No matter what it is, just enjoy it. Because once you enjoy it, you will remember for the rest of your life.
Wishlist
-Buy a BIG house for my parents
-To be a singer :p haha
-Make my parents proud of me
-Adventure this worldwide with Alex and Haizun
-Meet Justin^^
-P/S I've met Justin upfront at MTV world stage with ajun! <3
-Marry Justin?
Death
Aku mimpi aku mati.
Terasa mcm betul betul terjadi sbb, entahlah.
Aku di situasi yg satu ini dimana aku tak sangka pada waktu mcmtu aku boleh mati.
Adik adik aku muat naik "status" mengatakan "3 days missing and found dead. Miss my sister so much."
I was there watching them, but they didn't see me.
I call out their names but no answer.
Feels like I'm lost.
Nobody, I mean- no one yang merasa kehilangan bila dapat tau aku dah mati.
Where suddenly I has this feeling that, there's so many things I haven't done yet.
Too much regrets.
I was scared (still am).
Sometimes I'm confused. No one can help but Allah. Tetapi tiada asbab (org) utk aku teruskan niat ini. Tiada bantuan. Aku ibarat terkapai kapai. Tangan yang aku lambaikan tidak dicapai.
Aku terkadang tidak mempunyai perasaan takut utk mati kerana, memang fitrah setiap yg bernyawa pasti akan pergi.
Tetapi yg aku takutkan adalah apabila aku pergi dalam keadaan yg tiada keredhaan daripada Allah.
Pergi dalam keadaan diri bergelumang dengan dosa.
Pergi apabila masih ada insan yg belum memaafkan diri ini.
Pergi kerana tahu akan ibadat yg dibuat masih belum mencukupi..
Aku takut..
Aku takut apabila melihat saudara seagamaku hanyut dengan dunia..
Aku takut melihat ibu bapa yg tidak menghiraukan anak anaknya, mengetahui ilmu agama yg ada pada anaknya tidak sempurna..
Aku takut melihat anak anak yang dengan lantang berani menengking ibu bapanya tanpa meminta maaf..
Aku takut melihat mereka yang tidak pedulikan rakannya, dan lebih suka mengejar syurga bersendirian..
Aku takut melihat orang yang suka menuduh tanpa usul periksa..
Aku takut melihat orang yang suka menghakimi tanpa mengetahui kisah seserang itu..
Aku takut melihat seseorang yang berani memaki saudaranya di khayalak ramai.
Tiada sifat pemaaf.
Tiada sifat penyabar.
Allah..
Aku adalah salah satu manusia yg aku baru nyatakan.. Betapa berdosanya diri ni..
Aku terkadang keliru.. Tetapi aku sedang belajar supaya dapat menerima segala ujian daripadaMu..
Dunia aku pun masih tunggang langgang, apatah lagi akhirat..
Fikiran aku terkadang tak menentu.
Paranoid.
Paranoid tentang betapa orang sekeliling membenci diri aku.
Mungkin mereka juga seperti aku, yg terkadang selesa menyapa macam sudah kenal lama.
Dan mungkin juga seperti aku, yg terkadang sangat sangat malu untuk menegur.
Mungkin ada yg kategorikan aku sombong.
Sungguh, berapa kerat saja rakan yang aku boleh luahkan perasaan. Penerimaan setiap individu berbeza. Macam macam nasihat aku terima.
Aku seorang yang terkadang okay dan normal. Dan ada masanya aku terlalu "lost".
Dan aku juga, apabila setiap kali terpandang seseorang dan terasa ingin berkata sesuatu segera aku tepiskan fikiran itu.. Kerana sesungguhnya aku tak tau apa pengakhiran dia. Dan aku juga tak tau apa pengakhiran aku..
Matikanlah aku dalam husnul khotimah ya Allah....
Monologue
Nature. I would love to be in a place where I could wake up to the sound of nature. Where all my problems would be forgotten. With the stars on my head. With the sound of crickets. Accompanied by the sound of the flowing river.
How I wish I could be like them. Everytime I log on to my facebook, I could see them upload pictures of them when they was in overseas. Australia, Nepal, New zealand, you name it. They have gone to many countries and did activities such as hiking, zipline, bungee jumping, swimming in beautiful beaches. But thanks to them because just by looking at their picture, I could actually imagine myself being there. Maybe one day. I never login since yesterday. Lol 😂
My head hurts. So does my heart. Hurts because I couldn't get myself out of this situation. I don't know why, but my situation right now just doesn't feels right. Maybe it's just me. I'm feeling locked up in my own body. And this home, doesn't feel like home. As if I am trapped by my own mind. How do I make myself happy, and free. Everything that I do, didn't goes right. I keep on making mistakes and stumble all my way getting here. Getting to be where I am right now. Lol I'm feeling sick with myself right now. I wanna puke so bad that all I can do is rant about how bad my life is. If only they know what I have to get through.
There's so many things I wanna do. I wanna learn martial arts, so that I can kick them player's balls off. I used to know one guy that is in mixed martial arts. Never knew and has the clue that he only hit me up because he wants to play me. I really hope that some day, someone's going to crush his heart badly. But that's not the only reason. I could kick anyone that try to messed up with my family. I could use this arts to help those people in needs. Thank goodness that my point of view towards martial art didn't change just because of that brat. And I also want to punch those heartbreaker that promised to take care of me, never want to took me for granted. Those who actually turned me into someone I'm not.
Anyway, I think that my anxiety while I'm in the office has slowly fades. It's just that it would come back if my officemate point out about the pimples I have on my face. Trust me, I've done so many things to fix my face. It's just that if my salary's high I would have done something better. I could only pulled off my confidence mask better that they couldn't see the real me under.
I pray that my sisters won't get played by those sucker and player. I don't want them to feel what I've been through. I never want to see them suffer because of low minded guys. I don't want to hear them cry and sobbing in the room. I really hope that there's someone gentle out there, that can treat them like a princess. Even though I'd love to tease until they get mad to me, believe me I actually just want to see them laughing and happy.
Oh btw, I miss Alex. My ol'friend from Canada. We used to chit chat thru yahoo messenger. She would always told me to go there. I wonder how she's been doing. I hope she's doing fine.
I think that it's good not to be connected with the world outside. Everything I've seen is chaos. People hurting each other. Everyone has their own ego and nothing can break their ego. No one would want to lose. Everyone wants to win over simple things. And what makes me losing my mind is when there is actually people who support and backing up those who dangers their own life and claim it as a hobby. Isn't it weird how people's mind -nowadays- work without thinking about other people safety and lives. No, of course, not all out of 7 billion people in this world. But trust me, there's so much more out there. It's frightening.
dinaa~
Past / Future
